How should I say

Heute gibt es anstelle eines Sonntagsgedichts mal einen englischen Text von mir. Geplant ist einen Song daraus zu machen. Er ist sicher nocht nicht ganz rund, aber er spiegelt meine doch recht harte Woche wieder, in der ich dank dieser Onlinestudie zur Schmerzbewältigung ein wenig an meine Grenzen kam.

How should I say?

Saying yes while meaning no,
loughing though I need to cry.
Making fast but feeling slow,
Standing here but want to fly

How should I say?
How could I stay?
How to go and how to deal,
while I´m afraid to feel.

Whispering but wish to scream,
speaking while need to sing.
Realising and lost my dream,
feeling winter though is spring.

How should I say?
How could I stay?
How to go and how to deal,
while I´m afraid to feel.

Afraid of being me, don´t want you to see, hiding myself in me, only this way makes me free.

How should I say?
How could I stay?
How to go and how to deal,
while I´m afraid to feel.